Radnus and Shirt Go FNAF!
by RadnusMcThatGuysShirt
Summary: In an act of trying to pay there tab to Wallace Radnus and Shirt agree to get jobs at a weird pizza place. Its was creepy during the day but at night things get ridiculous as the two try and survive there new job. What the hells with these robots? And remember its for the money!


**So tell me again why we decided to get a job that pays literally $4 an hour Shirt?**

 _Simple. Lack of human interaction. And that bar tab we have at Wallace's isn't going to pay itself._

 **Yeah, but now we have those creepy animatronics to deal with.**

 _It's not like they're gonna come get us Rad. Jeez._

"Easiest job ever." Shirt said, kicking her feet up on the desk. "All we have to do is watch over some creepy robots and we're totally solid." The two of them sat in the dimly lit office, Shirt mindlessly rolling a lollipop between her lips and Radnus eating a box of Chinese takeout. The sweet and sour pork was chewy and almost elastic, but Radnus didn't care mostly it tasted good. They were both given uniforms to wear on the job but Shirt was wearing jean shorts and a Green Day shirt with her open dress shirt and hat, while Radnus mostly wore everything up to code, except he was wearing his usual oversized hoodie that reached to his knees. Instead of the standard hat he wore a gray beanie with buttons pinned above the rim on the side of the restaurant mascots, Bonnie, Chica, Foxy, and Fazbear himself.

"You know we both know there's something strange going on here?" He mumbled in between bites of his food, they both had sensed it . . . well Radnus sensed it while Shirt noticed the rotting stench coming from the robots. For Radnus above the squealing bubbly happiness and the deep torturing boredom of parents and teens he had sensed something . . . sinister almost murderous from the establishment. He just mostly assumed it was the janitor Carl. "Don't you find it weird that this place run through so many night guards?"

"A job where I get to basically do nothing, nothing wrong over here! Besides, the last guy just got transferred to some sister location or something."

"But the files say he'd been working here for a for about two years with a clean record, and they move him?"

"Then there must be a promotion, other place is supposed to be new as a baby's ass." Radnus just stared incredulously at his friend for a minute before turned back to his food with a sigh. He wasn't hungry anymore. After packing up the leftovers he looked at the clock.

 _11:50_

"It's almost time to start, we're going to be in here till six go walk around so you won't be too cranky afterwards." Shirt groaned as she walked out of the control room, mumbling something along the lines of "I'm not cranky, if I was the animatronics would crap themselves". She jammed her hands on her pockets and went to the Show Stage, staring at the animatronics. Shirt moved back and forth, swearing that the eyes followed her as she moved. They reeked of some godawful smell she couldn't put her finger on.

"Satan's not in there . . . something else definitely is." Shirt said to herself. She was startled by the raucous sound of a phone from the office, turning around.

"Rad! Get the phone you shitlet!" Shirt yelled, walking back to the off to the office.

"There's not even a phone! It's just the message machine!" Radnus yelled.

Shirt walked back into the office, glaring at her compatriot. She growled and walked over to the machine, preparing to throw it at the wall just as the message began.

 _12AM_

"Hello? Hello?" The answering machine began.

"Yup gonna throw it." Shirt said.

"SHIRT NO!" Radnus yelled. "He might give us valuable information about our jobs!"

"Fuck that! How hard can it be to watch a bunch of creepyass robots?"

" . . . upon discovering that damage or death has occurred, a missing person report will be filed within 90 days, or as soon property and premises have been thoroughly cleaned and bleached, and the carpets have been replaced . . . "

"Bitch WHAT."

Shirt and Radnus both pulled up a chair and listened to the message, trying to analyze what was going on. Shirt didn't have any of her weapons on her: they had to rely on their own quick wits tonight.

"So, just be aware, the characters do tend to wander a bit. Uh, they're left in some kind of free roaming mode at night." The phone guy explained.

"This fucker's preparing us for death!" Shirt yelled.

"Maybe it's a prank." Radnus told her assuringly.

". . . So, just be aware, the characters do tend to wander a bit. Uh, they're left in some kind of free roaming mode at night. Something about their servos locking up if they get turned off for too long. Uh, they used to be allowed to walk around during the day too. But then there was The Bite of '87."

"WHAT BITE?!"

"Yeah. I-It's amazing that the human body can live without the frontal lobe, you know?"

"Fuck it." Shirt said, putting the machine down. "Murder coverups? Losin the frontal lobe? I've seen enough conspiracy theories to know where this is going."

"We don't get paid until the fifth night."

"Then we're staying."

" . . . The only _real_ risk to you as a night guards here, if any, is the fact that these characters, uh, if they happen to see you after hours probably won't recognize you as a

person. They'll p-most likely see you as a metal endoskeleton without its costume on. Now since that's against the rules here at Freddy Fazbear's Pizza, they'll probably try to...forcefully stuff you inside a Freddy Fazbear suit. Um, now, that wouldn't be so bad if the suits themselves weren't filled with crossbeams, wires, and animatronic devices, especially around the facial area. So, you could imagine how having your head forcefully pressed inside one of those could cause a bit of discomfort...and death. Uh, the only parts of you that would likely see the light of day again would be your eyeballs and teeth when they pop out the front of the mask, heh."

"FUCK YOU PHONE GUY!" Shirt yelled. "Ain't no bear comin' for me!" "Shirt, check the monitors." Radnus said. She growled at herself. "Do you really think that some little animatronics is going to stuff ThatGuys Shirt into a costume into a fight? Bitch please." She muttered. "I'll fuck these machines UP."

 _2AM_

"Stuff me inside of a suit, I wish those hoes would." Shirt muttered. She was flipping through cameras, mainly watching the Show Stage.

"Hey, you ever wonder why the kitchen cams are disabled?" Shirt asked. "I mean, what could be so secretive going on in—FUCK!" Her eyes widened as she saw an animatronic fox sprinting from its place in Pirate Cove.

"RAD! HERE COME DAT BOI!" She yelled, showing him the monitor. He looked out into the hallway, quickly withdrew inside the office and shut the door.

"Oh shit waddup." Radnus said instinctively. "Was that—" Before he could ask his obvious question, Foxy began to bang on the door.

"Go home nerd!" Shirt shouted. "Rad, don't waste so much power! Those doors are wasting all our shit!"

"Just keep an eye on the monitors! I think it's best if we just sit this battle out." Radnus said. "We're outnumbered, and damage costs money here. We need that to pay back Wallace. And the fines for that underground bear wrestling ring. And you somehow making a newer genetically-modified Big Papa J."

"J 2.0 was thuggin' and you know it." Shirt whined. "OH SHIT WHERE'S CHICA. AND BONNIE. DEATH APPROACHETH."

"If it's life or death, just find a blunt instrument or something." Radnus said.

"SATAN, I'M NOT READY! THERE'S SO MUCH FOOD I HAVEN'T EATEN YET!"

Both of them heard the clanging of pots and pans, freezing in their spots. Radnus shone the door lights, seeing Foxy had left his spot and gone back to Pirate Cove. He opened the door and checked the power.

"56%. Maybe we can make it." Radnus said.

 _4AM_

"After we get this paycheck there is going to be a strong complaint filed to human resources." Shirt said. "Probably starting with 'Listen here bitch ass whores'. Whaddya think?"

"For once, I'll go with your sociopathic plans. It's only night one and I'm sick of this fuckery." Radnus agreed. "Shut that right door by the way, I'll shut this one."

"Why should I shut it?" Shirt asked, turning on the hall light to the east. She was immediately met with two robotic eyes to hers. She slammed her hand on the door button. Shirt tugged on Radnus' sleeve.

"What?" He asked, looking at the amount of power they both had left.

"We should've just done something for the mafia like Wallace suggested. You said we should regular people jobs. I could be sleeping right now!" Shirt whined.

"You mean binge watching Markiplier videos?"

"SAME DIFF RADNUS!" She yelled. She went over to the monitor and turned it on, flipping between cameras.

"Bonnie moved to the dining area." She reported. "Chica's in the restrooms, Foxy's sticking his cocky ass face outside the curtains at Pirate Cove, and Fazbear staring dead ass at the camera. Smug bastard." Radnus rolled his eyes and threw a piece of paper at the door button, opening it.

"So what are we doing after this? Movie? Challenging Satan to Guitar Hero? Takeout? Wallace's?" Radnus asked.

"Going the fuck to sleep." Shirt muttered. "I'm nocturnal now."

"It's 5:58. Only two more minutes and—"

Static.

Darkness.

Radnus glanced over at their power usage.

0%.

The flickering eyes of Freddy Fazbear came into view from the left corridor. A jingle was played, and both of them stood completely still in the darkness. Radnus watched his negative vision as Freddy came closer to him. Sounds of footsteps were heard: heavy metal ones...but also...lighter ones? Ah yes. Shirt had managed to slip behind him, grabbing a crowbar discarded on the floor.

"SURPRISE BITCH!"

The lights came on in the nick of time, just as soon as Shirt would have hit a head-in-window with Freddy's head and the crowbar. Without another word, Freddy turned around and left the office, leaving both Radnus and Shirt in complete awe.

"Nice reflexes Shirt. You know I could've gotten him if I wanted to." Radnus said, grinning.

"Yeah, but with that dumb grin of yours you wouldn't survive a day. I'd make everyone my bitch." Shirt said. "I'm keeping this crowbar."

**LATER AT THE STAMPEDING STABLE**

"Isn't it a bit early for that one to be awake?" Wallace asked, gesturing at Shirt. She was chugging down a Dr. Pepper and pulling out another lollipop. She shoved one into Radnus' mouth and sighed.

"I'm running on caffeine and sugar at this point." Shirt said. "Maybe I'll go kill someone. Nothing makes someone feel more alive than killing someone."

"Shirt, this is why we worry about you. One moment you're all about the food, next, homicide." Wallace said. "So, how was Freddy's?"

"If we die we get a missing persons report after they clean up the mess." Shirt pointed out.

"Corporations are always bloodsuckers. I thought you would know, as anti-establishment as you are Shirt." Wallace said. "When's your next shift?"

"Tomorrow at midnight." Both of them said. Their heads dropped on the counter of the empty bar.

 _I hate working for the man._

 **At least we get to pay Wallace back.**

 _Yeah sure, whatevs._

 **WITH REAL MONEY THIS TIME.**

 _GODFUCKING DAMMIT RADNUS!_

 **Radnus and Shirt, signing out. See you on our next shift.**


End file.
